As a Client Do You Have Separation Anxiety?

I try very hard to make a morning routine for my family. My son – who is 9 months old, gets up every morning around 4:30am. I feed him and normally he falls back to sleep. At this point it’s hovering around 5am. I will shower, dress, prep the bottles for the day, make sure the diaper bag is packed, etc. all while my family quietly sleeps. Around 6:30 my son will begin to stir again. We turn the lights on, get him up, changed into day clothes, make Cream of Wheat (his all time favorite food), eat, load up the car, and head off to the dreaded Daycare drop off. This is where my morning inevitably will go south.

My 9 month old is suffering from what I can only guess is Separation Anxiety. Separation anxiety is a developmental stage during which the child experiences anxiety when separated from the primary caregiver (usually the mother). Basically he screams his cute little head off any time I leave him. As a mother, this is currently the most difficult thing going on in my life. My heart literally hurts every morning. It takes every muscle in my being- and the conscious reminding that I love my job, to not turn around and run home with my son. Needless to say it starts my day off on the wrong foot.

All the experts say to help with the anxiety your infant is experiencing, as parents, we should leave our child with a trusted babysitter, who can bond with the child, and teach the child it’s ok to have relationships outside of their parents. My Daycare center makes this very difficult. They have constant staff turn over. On a regular basis someone new is watching my son. Plus they have “shift” changes. So the person you leave your son with in the morning is not the same person you pick him up from. I can only feel this adds to my son’s anxiety. (We are currently looking into new care for him)

When I think back on this “Separation Anxiety” condition that 9 out of 10 infants experience I can only wonder if the need for personal care is part of the nature vs. nurture debate. As young infants we recognize the importance of knowing who is caring for us, trusting them, and continuing a lasting relationship. This seems to be a knowledge we are born with. Babies are not only born with this realization but they also feel strongly enough to fight for personal care. They scream their cute little heads off.

Working for the Virginia Farm Bureau, this personal care is something as agents we offer our clients. We have offices in over 100 counties in the state of Virginia. We are local. Virginia Farm Bureau also seems to have a strong belief in the importance of their employees. In my department alone, the majority of the individuals working with me have worked for Farm Bureau longer than 10 years. It’s a great place to be.

As clients people have a choice where they buy their health insurance. They can work with a call center (the Daycares of the health insurance world)and speak to someone new every time they have an issue, or they can work with an agent that is local, trusted, and familiar. This is a value. Our clients don’t have to worry that Separation Anxiety is going to set in. They know we are here, we aren’t going anywhere, and we are eager to help.

Bring on The Chicken Soup

Here in Virginia we have been plummeted with snow this season. With this cold weather also comes the flu & virus season. My family has been sick for what feels like forever. My son goes to daycare and brings every bug, flu, virus he can find home with him. It’s always a case of pass the sickness. First he is sick, then after caring for him I get sick, finally after caring for me my husband will get sick. It never fails. The problem with this is as a family, we are never well at the same time. It’s likely we are constantly operating at only 2/3 to 1/3 capacity. It’s exhausting. Plus we all have different ways we like to be taken care of when we are sick. My little one turns into another appendage on my body. Never letting you put him down, he cries and sleeps his way through sickness.

For me I like to be babied. My husband probably hates this quality in me even though he never lets me know it. Personally I would drive myself nuts if I was taking care of me when I was sick. (I truly hope this last sentence made sense.) I want my husband to constantly bring me food, water, warm wash cloths, medicine, etc. as I battle my way through sickness. And bless him my husband complies.

My husband is the complete opposite. He wants to be left completely alone. He doesn’t want to be brought soup, or have concern poured over him. He wants to shut off in his room with the blankets over his head until the sickness has evaporated.

Our conflicting styles cause for very interesting interactions when one of us gets sick. He will avoid “bothering” me when I am sick leaving me feeling neglected, and I am constantly trying to sooth (aka bother) him. After about 6 years of marriage and a stretch of consecutive sicknesses in the past 3 months we are finally beginning to read each others signals. He will check in on me asking if I want food, water, medicine. I will allow him to hermit himself in his room and do my best to keep things quiet and peaceful.

As agents when dealing with upset clients, its like sickness, we have to learn to read our client’s signals. Do they want to have their problems catered to every moment, with consecutive check backs or even worse, do they shut us off, not asking for help, hoping the issues will evaporate? Either way we need to be adaptable to their needs, knowing when to bring in the chicken soup, or knowing when too much interaction becomes smothering. For most, you will find a happy medium when a little medicine and some quiet rest will fix the situation.

This is all part of building a rapport and relationship with your clients. If you learn how to sooth their needs without coming on too strong or without leaving them feeling neglected, they will be more likely to weather the flu and cold seasons with you.